Friday
Jun032011
on belonging
I'm a big believer in re-reading my favorite books from time to time. In fact, probably over half of the reading I do is re-reading. Most of my books are non-fiction - philosophy and psychology classics. Since I think of my brain as a kind of second stomach, I try to be pretty careful about what goes in it. And, since the stuff I read is so packed with layers of meaning, I feel like I've got to re-read many books regularly in order to really digest them and apply their lessons to my life.
Thoreau, Montaigne, the Stoics, Schopenhauer, Maslow, Jung, and Joseph Campbell are all favorites. I've read them so often, they have essentially become literary comrades... thinkers whose thoughts seem to offer all the best encouragement when I need it most. Living or dead, kindred spirits are rare things, and I've learned long ago to embrace them in whatever shape or form they exist. If I were ever stranded on a deserted island, it is highly likely that I would choose my books over the company of many people I've met over the years.
It's funny how I can feel completely at ease and comfortable while reading a favorite book and then venture out into the world, surrounded by a whole host of people, and feel utterly alone. Perhaps it's only when we are in the company of people who understand us, and share our same values, that we feel like we belong. Though it's always nice to connect with people in a day-to-day kind of way, I think some people feel more comfortable connecting with others on a deeper level.
It's amazing how exhausting life can be when we're surrounded by people who just don't get us. For a long time, I tried to always be a nice guy and to connect with everyone I met. I tried to be kind and be a good listener. But, I think I was giving away too much. I think I was setting aside my own development and strengths in order to appease the people around me. For years I did what my parents wanted, then I switched to doing what some of my closest friends or girlfriends wanted. I think that certain intense childhood experiences I had years ago shaped me in such a way that I was afraid to make other people angry. Forever trying to keep the peace can be exhausting. When you constantly live your life with other people's feelings in mind, life can become incredibly un-fulfilling. Aren't we all responsible for our own feelings? Once we become adults, can anyone make us feel anything without our consent? Perhaps we are never completely mature until we've finally accepted the truth that our feelings are our own responsibility. And other people's feelings are their own as well.
It's funny how sometimes people will distract us from who we are supposed to be. And at other times, people will help us get back on track.
I think also a certain paradox exists when it comes to getting both ourselves and our loved ones on track. I don't think it's really possible for anyone to help another until they are on track themselves, and since we're never perfectly on track, I think the most loving thing we can do for another person is to consistently and thoughtfully develop ourselves.
And when we start doing that... I think that is when the universe steps in and introduces us to the people we're supposed to meet. The people who understand. The people who might actually be able to unknowingly cure our loneliness, instead of exacerbating it.
I think we influence each other the most when we are not consciously trying to do so. I think we are being the most loving to the people around us when we are being true to ourselves. I think self-understanding and self-love are the beginnings of empathy and compassion. I think becoming someone worthy of emulation is the greatest gift of all.
People who don't understand this are simply on another path and belong to another world. I sincerely wish them well, but will do so from afar.
Thoreau, Montaigne, the Stoics, Schopenhauer, Maslow, Jung, and Joseph Campbell are all favorites. I've read them so often, they have essentially become literary comrades... thinkers whose thoughts seem to offer all the best encouragement when I need it most. Living or dead, kindred spirits are rare things, and I've learned long ago to embrace them in whatever shape or form they exist. If I were ever stranded on a deserted island, it is highly likely that I would choose my books over the company of many people I've met over the years.
It's funny how I can feel completely at ease and comfortable while reading a favorite book and then venture out into the world, surrounded by a whole host of people, and feel utterly alone. Perhaps it's only when we are in the company of people who understand us, and share our same values, that we feel like we belong. Though it's always nice to connect with people in a day-to-day kind of way, I think some people feel more comfortable connecting with others on a deeper level.
It's amazing how exhausting life can be when we're surrounded by people who just don't get us. For a long time, I tried to always be a nice guy and to connect with everyone I met. I tried to be kind and be a good listener. But, I think I was giving away too much. I think I was setting aside my own development and strengths in order to appease the people around me. For years I did what my parents wanted, then I switched to doing what some of my closest friends or girlfriends wanted. I think that certain intense childhood experiences I had years ago shaped me in such a way that I was afraid to make other people angry. Forever trying to keep the peace can be exhausting. When you constantly live your life with other people's feelings in mind, life can become incredibly un-fulfilling. Aren't we all responsible for our own feelings? Once we become adults, can anyone make us feel anything without our consent? Perhaps we are never completely mature until we've finally accepted the truth that our feelings are our own responsibility. And other people's feelings are their own as well.
It's funny how sometimes people will distract us from who we are supposed to be. And at other times, people will help us get back on track.
I think also a certain paradox exists when it comes to getting both ourselves and our loved ones on track. I don't think it's really possible for anyone to help another until they are on track themselves, and since we're never perfectly on track, I think the most loving thing we can do for another person is to consistently and thoughtfully develop ourselves.
And when we start doing that... I think that is when the universe steps in and introduces us to the people we're supposed to meet. The people who understand. The people who might actually be able to unknowingly cure our loneliness, instead of exacerbating it.
I think we influence each other the most when we are not consciously trying to do so. I think we are being the most loving to the people around us when we are being true to ourselves. I think self-understanding and self-love are the beginnings of empathy and compassion. I think becoming someone worthy of emulation is the greatest gift of all.
People who don't understand this are simply on another path and belong to another world. I sincerely wish them well, but will do so from afar.